A thing of beauty is a joy forever – John Keats

There is hardly anything more frustrating or disheartening than looking for something that you cant find, or expecting something to be where it isn’t. It doesn’t really matter what it is; could be keys or a paper, could be love, could be god. Whatever it is, seems like it should be there, you believe it should be there, you think you’ve done the right things for it to be there, but it’s not there. There are reasons you expect it, there are reasons you’re hopeful, there are reasons why you have set your faith on something to be where you need it, and you want it to be there, you hope for it to be there, you pray for it to be there, and it’s not there. Then you’re left to deal with the idea that maybe what you had is lost, or to doubt love, or that you’re alone in the world. This is when someone inevitably tells you that if you stop looking, stop assuming things are real, and stop expecting things to be anywhere, then you wont be disappointed. Actually, very few people say that, they are cynics and atheists ( although they tend to call themselves realists). Most people say to keep looking, or to stay the course and keep hope, to have faith, and continue to believe. I guess because if you don’t try, if you don’t give what you have, then you’ve not done your all. Or maybe becasue to believe in something is better than to believe in nothing. Which just makes it all the more frustrating and disheartening when what you look for isn’t there and you don’t know why.

Save your own soul. Believe in magic.

Fingerbanger 1: Soulsavers – Revival (don lowed)

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Damn, this Pearlcoder track is the ticket, and has been making my week breezy.

Fingerbanger 2: Pearlcoder – Granular Flower ( Gabriel Le Mar Remix ) (don lowed)

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Remember the choose your own adventure books? Well thats sorta how this next section is. First  up is a Masterminds song from Stone Soup, which is an album that approximately 12 people bought, (11 are on sale on amazon, I’m keeping mine. Actually, mines on vinyl. So there.) Anyhow, you’ve never heard this shit before, but it’s the Masterminds so expect content of substance, that is to say, a subject matter with a message. Eek. I know I know… it’s not mindless sex drug party music or 80’s-throwback-retro, so maybe you better just skip it and go to the second one.

Fingerbanger 3: Masterminds – Morning Star Rising (download)

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Second up is sex drug party music from Eazy E. Because I know how tedious thinking is.

Fingerbanger 3.3: Eazy E – Gimme That Nutt (don lowed)

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During college I took a bunch of geology courses for my BS, in these courses we would inevitably have to go on some fieldtrips to hike “highly educational” geological formations, and I think give our teachers the opportunity to smoke, drink and pick up on students while under the guise of an educational experience. Not that I gave a shit, getting out of a pit class to walk around the woods is something I’d do if anyone asked me to; but if you missed the fieldtrips there was always makeup work in the name of a 5 page paper or something similar, it was just easier to go. The story here is that a day or 2 before one of these mandatory trips I went skating, and perexplore I must have sinned against love that week as behold the angel of rolled ankles doth visited me and severely wrecketh mine foot. Now I know a rolled ankle because this shit had happened before, and I swear upon my life that I would rather break my leg in 2 than roll an ankle, rip the muscles and tendons clear apart and endure 2 months of a swollen floppy purple foot. I mean, purple from the bottom of my calf to the middle of my toes. When it happens, my heart sinks and I get cold and I feel sad in the universe, It’s garbage to the end of the earth. Now what I do when I roll an ankle is… nothing. I don’t look at it, I don’t touch it, I don’t even take my shoe off until I try to bathe, and even then, I don’t take the sock off. I don’t want to know anything about it. So when it comes to the field trip, what do I do? I put on an ankle brace, and I go. I tell the teacher that I might be slow, and I proceed to walk like a retard who can’t bend (or hardly stand on) his foot, up and down rock formations and I take notes. So whats the point of this whole thing? Well, maybe I don’t have one. Maybe I just wanted to tell a story to illustrate how ridiculous I am. Or maybe shit happens and you deal with it and move on even though it kills you.

Fingerbanger 4: New Order – Blue Monday (Original 12″ Mix) (don lowed)

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Maybe, when people have been hurt and are afraid to let themselves be vulnerable, it doesn’t matter what you do, or say, or what kind of person you are, because nothing is going to change that they aren’t going to open up. The only thing that changes their feeling is time, and if you hang around and put up with their shit long enough, and keep coming back, then one day in the future, some magical day of in the unknown distance, it might occur to them that you’re not going anywhere. Nothing before that magic day is going to make too much difference, and it doesn’t really matter to them if you’re a good person or not, or that you could be a cheat, a moron, unreliable or an addict, all that matters is that you’ve passed the test. Whatever that test is. And if for some reason, you can’t hack it. Maybe you aren’t willing to put up with the affectionate void, or the lack of commitment, then you are the one with the problem and they don’t have to think about it anymore. But then again, maybe not.

Syl johnson is fucking magnificent. I’m done being serious. really.

Fingerbanger 5: Syl Johnson – Is It Because I’m Black (don lowed)

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Over?end.Out.P.tone