Part I: I’m wishing the position of my loving’s sorted out… last week was a silent week, this week could have been the same. All the words and thoughts in the world and lately none of them make sense to me. I’m swimming in thought and no way to communicate, besides these words that I fear don’t get out right, to make the connection, to make the understanding, that I desperately am hoping for. The fulfillment of a person, is to feel understood, and wanted all the more because of it. Communication of appreciation is the acting fulfillment of love, however big or small. Myself, I know that I am guilty of not always showing my appreciation for others, that’s my weight. Either I have been embarrassed to admit it, or think it wouldn’t make a difference, or I just expect that despite my impassive nature people will somehow understand that I like them, because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be there. That’s not how it works though. People don’t know. I realize in this way I have hurt a lot of people I care about. And there’s really no one that I don’t like if they are being honest. Not everyone is like me, or probably anyone, but I think we all feel the same some-times.

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Heavy, wobbly, saturated down and a little claustrophobic… that’s summer. Heated, hopefully-free, humid and uncomfortable… that’s this song. It’s all interchangeable, and the whole thing is a little self aware, and maybe that’s why it works. Neon Indian catches it all on tape, making a perfect anthem for the good sticky salty days.

Fingerbanger 1: Neon Indian – Deadbeat Summer (don lowed)

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Part II: The ego is an insecure thing; chasing everyone’s love with a sort of kindness so that it might be returned, pushing everyone away to see who comes back, talking ourselves up with bravado and opinions about everything unimportant, and leading us to believe our own bullshit as truth, among other things (everyone is different). ( you know you got that bullshit too, if you think you don’t you need to sober up) What it all really does is it masks our true voice, our true understanding of ourselves as we knew it once. We may compromise ourselves to fulfill our ego, and then we callous over our feelings to hide our ego as the reason for it. We say, “this is smart, or rational, or just who I am.” The biggest compromise is not being open and baring our soul, and believing that people that do so are somehow pathetic and weak. Mark Gonzales might be the only genuine person I can think of.

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I’m surprised this took so long, although I expected it would be worse. I’ve been down with the Q Lazarus for a long time (before that tho), and so no one wants to see a good song ruined with lousy covers, or even remixes. Sacreligious you know? Especially if you know that Q Lazarus was just a fluke. But Fan Death seems to keep the spirit of this song alive, not in a jar with holes on the top.

Fingerbanger 2: Fan Death – Goodbye Horses (don lowed)

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Part III: It’s about all those things that people smarter than we, tell us in infinite ways,  to look for, to stop for, to appreciate; the between moments, that fill our lives full and give us something to hold on to when we get down and overwhelmed. It’s the thought behind the actions, and the consideration that goes into a caring about others happiness, the things that love is made of, art is made for, and people die without. Passion without meaning is a rebel without a cause, its dangerous,and it never lasts long. It’s not what will carry us through. But genuine appreciation in thought and action, a kindness with gratitude felt, is wealth that can’t be bought. But, these things aren’t given, they’re shared, you have to want to let someone in because it takes giving to share, openness to communicate, gratitude to appreciate, and desire to see someone else happy to love.

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Whats not to love about the well-played disco aesthetic, sort of retro, and still all modern where if its not decadent, its out of place. It will never become rock and roll, or the cigarette and beer. It will never fit anytime, anyplace. Its for a certain breed. You either get it, or you pretend while you sort of shake your foot with a drink in your hand. The mom of house music ages well, and you can either handle that bitch, or get handled.

Fingerbanger 3: 40 Thieves – Dont Turn It Off (feat Qzen) (don lowed)

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Part IIII: But there’s more to everything here. What about the good already present? What kind of person lets that go unnoticed?  Does a blind man need to be sorry for what he can not see and apologize for what he can only touch? Or rejoyce that there is beauty where he knows not, and grateful for the sound that comes from what he doesn’t know, despite that he doesn’t know by sight what exists, and can only recognize by touching and feeling what others take for granted as apparant. I think everyone has a blind spot, and it’s humility that stops us from thinking we don’t, and walking into traffic. If we forget to aknowledge what we can not see, thinking it doesn’t exist, it will come back and hurt us. I don’t at all admit to this being easy, and I fail too, grabbing and groping trying to put together a picture, trying to see what I can’t instead of listening and knowing. Though I’m still trying.

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Handsome Furs; “the profound and bitter frustration of your long-distance relationship with the world up against a burning, alcohol-soaked sunrise as you admit some things you never thought you would; your constant feelings of inadequacy intertwined with the omnipotence modern technology grants us all. You are there, yet somehow you never are. As we all are and are not” – myspace :: Well played ol chap…

Fingerbanger 4: Handsome Furs – Evangeline (don lowed)

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True story: Back when I was too young for anything that didn’t require my mom, I recall sitting in the back of the 67 skylark on a fine summer day with the window down and having this strange notion that everything is a dream. I recall asking my mom if people are real if I can’t see them, or if they come into existence when I see them on tv or in person. She said she wondered the same thing sometimes. some 20 odd years later, I still can’t prove that the world isn’t created as I walk through it, but now instead of people I wonder about… it’s the motion gifs. Do those things continue to loop even when no one is watching them? Do they start when you scroll them onto your screen, and then stop when I can’t see it anymore…or just keep going and going? That shit is perplexing as fuck.

The Intelligence sounds like they were recorded while playing in the garage next door, and so fuck yeah to that. I’m a teenager and there’s no god in the sky, yeah.

Fingerbanger 5: The Intelligence – Thank You God For Fixing The Tape Machine (don lowed)

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“ Smart people talk about ideas. Common people talk about things. Mediocre people talk about people. ” — Jules Romains

Next week… I think I’ll let someone else do the Friday post. Maybe Ack, or Fuzzy, or Email me if you think it should be you.

Over?End?Out? – P.tone